The Truth About Sex

Now this is a subject that for some odd reason seems to be "taboo" among Christians. Most of us that grew up in church were given a very vague understanding of sex, and told simply "don't get pregnant outside marriage". Sadly, most parents get uncomfortable when talking about it and just hope that their kids won't think about sex until they are old enough to move out on their own. There are usually only 2 perspectives from which we learn about our sexuality, from a Christian perspective or from a worldly perspective, and unfortunately, especially in the black community, the latter of the two is usually the first that we are taught ( in detail). Yes, for Christians we know that you should not have sex outside of marriage because it sinful.....that's all we get....no explanation...just don't do it and you'll be on God's good side. Now imagine yourself again as a young teen, hormones raging, and someone tells you "just don't get pregnant or get someone pregnant" or "the bible says sex outside of marriage is a sin". As much as some parents thought that, that would scare their children into keeping their virginity, it only made most of us more curious. The worst part about it, is that there is MUCH more from the biblical perspective that we were not told, and I hope in this article I can break it down.

I am not a doctor or a biblical scholar, but I have come to learn some things that I wish they taught us in church.  Thankfully, I came from a home where my mother was mature enough to discuss sex with me from a Godly perspective without reservation. Although, I felt I was solid in my understanding, sex outside of marriage was much more serious than I thought.

Think about the Old Testament, and how God sealed covenants with man. Many of the covenants made in the bible where sealed with blood, including the crucifixion of Jesus with his blood being shed. There a various verses in the bible that you can look up to help you understand my point (Ex. 24:6-8, Zech. 9:9-11, Luke 22:20, Hebrews 9:16-22). What happened when Jesus died on the cross? His blood was shed, thus reconciling us to our father in heaven and creating a blood covenant. I am assuming that most people reading this are over the age of 18, so I am going to be graphic. When a man enters a woman for the first time sexually he breaks the hymen...and then what happens? Blood is shed and thus.... a covenant is made. You and that person have now become one flesh and your soul becomes intertwined. Marriage actually does not happen at the altar as some of us may believe, but it happens when you both have sex, (although that does not mean you and your boo can skip the altar. Nice try, but verbally vowing in front of witnesses is just as important. Jesus needed witnesses for His death, burial and resurrection). Sometimes we fail to realize the deep spiritual connection to the things we do, because we don't see immediate physical consequences. The devil works hard to keep our minds distracted from the very serious danger that goes far beyond getting pregnant or catching an STD. When you have allowed someone to enter one of the most ssacred places of your body, you are lessening its value, and you have now connected yourself to that person for life. LET ME ADD that if you have already lost your virginity, God is a forgiving God and you can still be restored. Don't let your past decisions haunt you for the rest of your life, and don't let ANYBODY hang it over your head. The Bible says "If any man be in Christ he is a NEW creature" meaning your old self is dead and gone and miles away in the sea of forgetfulness.

This article was not meant to guilt trip anyone, but simply to help you consider the importance of making a commitment to stay celibate until marriage. In a moment when you should be enjoying your (sexual) time with your mate, you should not have to spend time crossing your fingers that you won't get pregnant, or having to deal with heartbreak because you realized he is using you. Not to say these things cannot happen in marriage, but if you marry the right person the feeling of love, respect and honor go far beyond the physical. Let's be intentional about guarding one of the most precious gifts we have for the one we love.....Just a word of advice.

He loves me, He loves me not: How do I know if a Man is interested?

I been there sister girl!! I have had some serious heart aches behind trying to figure out if  a man was interested in me, busting my brain, and over analyzing every encounter only to get my feelings hurt. You all know that I am not afraid to be vulnerable in my articles because I know PLENTY of you have been, or are currently dealing with the same scenario, and I hope that I can offer some encouraging words to help you out.
Have you ever found yourself sitting on the phone with your homegirl, telling her about a guy you've been crushing on, trying to figure out if he likes you are not? The conversation usually goes like this "Girl, did you see ____. Do you think he likes me? He poured me some punch at the desert table today...." To which your homegirl replies "girl, he poured punch for everybody". Now that one might seem a little obvious, but what about the conversation that goes like this, "Girl, I don't know if ____has feelings for me or not. We always hang out together, stay up late talking on the phone, and I even cook for him sometimes. Should I ask him where we stand?". Before some of you start saying "that aint me. I can hang out with a guy without thinking anything more than what it is". Honey, when you like a man, I mean REALLY like him, if he scratches his head you hope that, that is a sign of him expressing his love for you. So many of us have had a man lead us on, only to feed his own ego as he fulfils his need to be  desired by multiple women.

Not to despair though ladies, I know how you feel and I have a solution. After being lead on, heart broken and deceived in my past I have realized that I don't have time to figure out if you like me romantically, because I like me. I have also realized when a man likes/loves you HE WILL MAKE IT KNOWN. When a man likes/loves you,  even if you can't see it the rest of the whole world can see it. He will most likely tell you his feelings to your face, or he will tell somebody else that is close to you. I have told my friends in the past, male and female, you should never have to coax someone into being in a relationship with you, to love you, or give them ultimatums.....why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who you had to convince to like/love you?  Do you happen to be in a situation where a person is leading you on, making you feel like they really like you, but when you present your feelings to them, they say "I'm just not ready to be in a committed relationship"? Understand that, that is cool if they admit that they are not ready for a committed relationship, but they should also understand "no we will not be going to the movies together solo, no I will not be cooking food for you, or staying up until 3am on the phone talking to you". You might be saying "Why so harsh Kara, he's still a good friend?" , my response to that is "HE IS BLOCKING" point blank and period(Let me also slide in here that this EXCLUDES people who have expressed mutual interest, and are "friends" trying to get to know each other with a possible future relationship in mind). What I mean by "blocking" is that he may be standing in the way of someone out there who IS ready to be in a relationship with you, but that person may think that you are already in a relationship with Mr "I'm not ready to be committed". Can you still be friends? Sure, with limitations, and if you are not looking for a relationship and you are just fine with hanging out 24/7 LIKE your in a relationship, by all means do your thing girl.

Finally, as I always say, I have been in plenty of situation where I have liked someone and the feelings were not reciprocated. It hurts, and I am not going to tell you to brush away your feelings for them because I know it isn' t easy, but please try your best not to give them so much of your mental energy. They may not have feelings for you the same way you have for them, but trust and believe SOMEBODY will love you, in fact somebody does love you and that's Jesus. I know it sounds corny, but a person's love for you should be a reflection of God's love for you (which is unconditional), and when you start focusing your energy on Jesus, only those who love Him too can reflect His love. Everyday when you get up in the morning, put your hand on your chest and say "I deserve to be loved"......Just a word of advice.

LAWD HAVE MERCY

Now we all know (and for those who don't) God is a merciful God ready to forgive the second we repent and ask Him. We know that God wants to see us prosper in our relationship with Him, and He is rooting for us to win and stay on the right track. Unfortunately, some Christians are not so loving and forgiving, and I think its about time we put this issue on FULL BLAST.

Too many times there are situations within the body of Christ, where I won't see a particular girl or guy for months at a time, the reason why is usually behind a sin that is visible to other church members (i.e. pregnancy, falling back in to old ways). Why are they hiding from church members? Because instead of us helping them to get back on the right track, we kick them while they are down, and usually they become the subject to our weekly gossip circles.

The most interesting thing is that some of us that were doing THE MOST (out in the world) and have now found Christ quickly forget that it was His grace and love that saved us. We are ready to act "super deep" and turn our noses to the sky because we got some Holy Ghost in us, and have a few bible verses memorized. Please don't mistake what I am saying as being ACCEPTING of sin, I simply mean that we have to help each other stay on track.

The best way for me to illustrate my point is through a race.  When we get saved we start running in the right direction together, sometimes someone beside you might trip up on something and fall, sometimes somebody beside you may not be drinking enough water (living water of the word) and may be a little dehydrated, sometimes some of us may be running but we have gained a little extra weight (baggage) and we are struggling a little bit. What I often see is the spiritually fit, running swiftly not caring about anybody else as they go. Even worse, when one falls, we abandon them as they sit there on the track with their face on the ground, contemplating turning back since they are so far behind.

 The most amazing thing I ever saw was a sprinter who fell during a race. He was dead last, and everyone had already finished the race. As he sat there with his head hung down, from the side line we see a man (who may have been his coach) run on to the track. Though it looked like he was going to help him to get off to the side, he took the sprinters arm, put it around his neck and helped him drag his exhausted body across the finish line. We are in this race together and we need each others help. I don't care how spiritually profound you are, at some point somebody has got to pray for you. When we see our brother or sister get knocked down by the devil, and their face is in the dirt we have to turn around, put their arm around our neck and tell them "Don't give up, we are going to make it to heaven together". Ultimately God is the one who restores, but He put his love inside of us so we can share it with our fellow human beings.

When that sister stops coming to church because she found out she is 3 months pregnant, put her arm around your neck. When that brother gets caught up in pornography addiction, and is too afraid to tell anyone put his arm around your neck. When one of us falls out of line, we should all shout "Man down, code red" and turn around and put their arm around our neck. Let's help each other be better Christians.....Just a word of advice.