Before We Beat Down the Brotha's

For years black women have had to be the mother and father for our children, we have had to be provider, doctor, counsellor, teacher and whatever else people needed us to be. The majority of our duties are a result of the absece of men in our lives. I know, I know, you are young and independent and you "don't NEED anybody to take care of you", but if we get real, having someone to come home to at night, someone else to help cover bills, a person to talk to, to love and be loved by, isn't such a bad thing. I sometimes hear women say to their children "Your daddy aint no good" or "your father is a low life, deadbeat", but truth be told, your child didn't make the decision to connect their lives to him, YOU DID.

Though black men need to step up and take care of their children and be involved fathers and husbands, we as women need to own up to the fact that we are partly to blame for them that don't. Granted, sometimes the people we meet seem WONDERFUL at the begining, and turn out to be the devil reincarnate, but sometimes ladies, we walk right into it. In the few times I indulge in reality TV I see girls on talk shows talking about how much of a dog and coward their baby fathers are. Can I ask you something? Why did you think Ray Ray who stays with his momma, has barely a high school education, and stays in and out of prison was going to be a good father to your child? Ladies seriously! As cute as he is, and as smooth as he talks, please muster up the strength to walk away! The reason that so many African American children are growing up fatherless is not just because black men are not taking care of their responsibility, it is also because as black women we are making choices that almost guarantee that our children will grow up that way. I don't care if you live in Mr. Rogers neighborhood or in the depths of South Central L.A., make a decision that essentially will make your life easier. Get yourself educated, make a man not only work hard to get with you, but don't give it up until you have the honor of being called Mrs.______. I have never had a baby, but it does NOT look like a walk in the park, and for you to go through all that agony and pain just to be called his "baby momma"? And if you have already had a baby by a man you're not married to, this is not to beat you down, just make sure that you hold a new standard for yourself and start back on a new path.

Ladies, lets take the lead in improving our family lives in the African American household, lets strive to be wives and not "wifey's", lets desire better for ourselves and our children......just a word of advice.